idea vs. the person

This is what I don't like about this whole thing. I'm not okay with the fact that it rattles me and causes me to get easily frustrated.

But I really have no one else to blame but myself. I pretend as if I'm okay with the whole thing. Well, I'm really trying to be genuinely okay, even happy, about it.

I just have to convince myself more that it was just the idea, and it was not the person. Just a little bit more convincing on my part, and I think I'll be fine. :)

my anchors of happiness

being a traveller was never a part of my 'what i want to be when i grow up' list. after travelling to some provinces in my home country - the Philippines, and in some countries in Asia, i am hungry for more. and this is what i want to be, and what i want to do NOW.

i want to travel and explore the world. i live for those unexpected moments when i find myself:

1) semi-floating on the Red River in Anawangin, that peaceful moment - the sound of the wind through the pine trees, of birds chirping, of the flow of the river, and the sun rays peeking through the trees
2) almost touching the corals while discovery scuba diving in San Juan, Batangas
3) finally standing on top of a surfboard and reaching the shores of La Union
4) at awe when my cousin and i saw a reptile (a cross between a crocodile and a huge lizard) crossing the Lumpini Park in Bangkok, only to discover that it's normal there
5) discovering my interest, and eventually love, for photography when i first saw the wonderful historic temples of Ayutthaya
6) climbing the Matukad Island to see the hidden lake where they say a magical big fish lives
7) staring at the blue waters of Bantayan Island, appreciating the calming effect of the ocean and the horizon, and realizing that life has endless possibilities to offer
8) almost falling off a raft while whitewater rafting in Cagayan de Oro
9) laughing with friends while crossing the chaotic streets of Saigon
10) falling in love with Siem Reap and the wonderful Khmers
11) meeting Mr. Sam, a survivor of the Khmer Rouge Occupation
12) finding a quiet spot in Bayon Temple in the Angkor Wat Complex
13) eating a cricket in the Angkor Night Market
14) learning the difference between a crocodile and an alligator in Crocodile Farm, Puerto Princesa, Palawan
15) cave spelunking in Ugong Rock Cave
16) at awe when we saw the majestic 'Cathedral' of the Puerto Princesa Underground River
17) bungee jumping from the Macau Tower
18) actually enjoying Macau when I never thought I'd ever enjoy a city travel

A few months ago, I watched the travel documentary 'A Map for Saturday'. Which resulted to my '2013 Backpacking Asia' project - to travel for 2 months through China, Mongolia, Nepal, India, and Malaysia. I shared this to some of my friends and... let's just say I got a little discouraged. They had these 'logical' questions like '2 months? how about your job? you can't quit your job.' '2 months? that's too long.' 'mongolia? nepal? can we not do europe?' Then i started to doubt this project of mine. Of course, I can't quit my job. What would my parents say? I eventually settled with the idea of travelling once or twice a year, one week at the most.

Then I travelled again. And I bungee jumped from a 233-meters tower. The most important thing I learned from that experience is that you just have to let go. Standing on the edge is where you face all your fears. How do you address these fears? You trust everything. You let go. You jump.

What's keeping me from doing it? What are my fears? Don't I have enough faith in Him and in myself that I will be able to find a job when I go back? Or that it won't be safe for a 25-year-old Asian girl to travel alone? Don't I have enough faith in the kindness of people?

I trust that it will be very memorable, with both good and not-so-good experiences. And the not-so-good experiences and hassles will be all worth it for the life experiences I am about to have.

But I have to prepare. I have to save up. I know I will eventually have to adjust my itinerary based on the budget I'd be able to come up with. I have to train physically.

But these are just basic stuff. Because based from my few travels, I've learned that you can never really be prepared. It's just the beauty of travelling. :)

I know that one year is still far into the future. I know that a lot of things can happen, things that may be out of my control. But I am hoping for the best. I am hoping and praying that everything works out. :)

So here's to taking the first step. I'm calling out to Him, the Universe, and Luck. Please help me make this happen. :)

'dog days are over' by florence and the machine

happiness hit her like a train on a track
coming towards her stuck still no turning back
she hid around corners and she hid under beds
she killed it with kisses and from it she fled
with every bubble she sank with her drink
and washed it away down the kitchen sink

the dog days are over
the dog days are done
the horses are coming
so you better run

run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
leave all your love and your longing behind
you can't carry it with you if you want to survive

the dog days are over
the dog days are done
can you hear the horses?
because here they come

and i never wanted anything from you
except everything you had and what was left after that too
happiness hit her like a bullet in the head
struck from a great height by someone who should know better than that

the dog days are over
the dog days are done
can you hear the horses?
because here they come

run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
leave all your love and your longing behind
you can't carry it with you if you want to survive

It is such a liberating song. It's an experience. It's the type of song that you would want to get lost in while singing and dancing. It builds up your emotions and brings you to the highs and the lows of the whole experience.

I read a lot of interpretations of the song. Some saw it as a song of a person finding love after the 'dog days'. Some say it's a song about running away from love for fear of getting hurt.

I think it's about someone who's used to getting hurt. Then finds herself hit by love and happiness 'like a bullet' that it left her really confused and scared. She tries to run away from it in order to save herself from the possible pain that happiness may bring.

'leave all your love and your longing behind. you can't carry it with you if you want to survive.'

the melody and the beat are liberating, but the message (at least my interpretation of it) is very melancholy.

I love it. I especially love dancing to it.

so 2007

warning: this post is so 2007. it happened recently but it feels so 2007. haha

i'm not good at flirting.

why am i even obsessing about it? well, i'm really trying not to. so this post is to stop this pathetic state once and for all.

let me acknowledge it:

i met someone who's funny, smart, and who also loves what i love doing. i was hoping for something. nothing really serious, just something to look forward to. but that something never happened, and i don't think it will ever will.

but as i've said the whole 'thing' has served its purpose. and i'm thankful for it. so i'm stopping right now.

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i think the only thing that i'm really good and lucky at is travelling. so that's where i'm going to focus all my energy. :)

25th in Macau : Bungy Jump

It was my 25th birthday thing. Why? I don't really have a specific reason. All I know is that it's in my life's to-do-list. I've always dreamed it would be in New Zealand, but Macau came along and i thought of just grabbing the opportunity. And I'm so glad I did!

My Afterthoughts:

1) Free-falling from a 233-meters tower is not normal, it’s suicide. What makes this Jump non-suicidal and close to normal, is having to trust the crew and the cords. If you can’t do that, there’s no point in even thinking about signing-up.

2) It is true. The success and realization of a bungy jump is 90% up to YOU. It is on that platform where everything comes creeping up into your head – the fear of heights, of dying, of backing-out – it’s all there. It’s either you dwell on these feelings or just trust everything – the crew, yourself, universe, God, laws of physics, the cords, and fate. (well, plus what you paid which is non-refundable :P) It’s letting go of trying to understand how it’s supposed to happen. It’s admitting to yourself that you can never be prepared for it.

3) After leaning/falling forward, you just have to let go. It’s only gravity that’s working during that five seconds. It will tease you at the start and will make you feel helpless. But it will eventually reward you of that epic feeling of exhilaration and pride that you actually did it.

It’s a wonderful feeling. It’s one of those experiences that you hang on to when you feel like you’re losing control of any life situation. It’s what you hold on to when the not-so-good side of reality is trying to pull you back and stressing you out (like at work). It widens your perspective in life and makes you trust the universe more.

It also makes you want to travel more and look for new unique and memorable experiences. :D

I think this ‘high’ is going to be good for at least a year more. :D

money and all its complications

Money can be a very powerful thing for some people.

I love what money can do for me and my family and how I'm able to afford my travels and other hobbies.

But today, and for a couple of months now, I've seen how money can control people.

How people can take advantage of other people just to gain something for themselves. The things they do to manipulate people into lending money to them so that they can play in the stock market. And how they can use friendship as a way to get their way out of not paying on time. I understand and I know the need to borrow money. But for the right reasons - for emergencies and other important matters. Not for gambling in the stock market and consequently burying yourself in debt. And these people are proud of what they're doing, they boast of the supposedly gains they're earning, thinking that people don't know what they are really doing. But people are aware and concerned.

And to take advantage of someone who needs the money more than you? That's something else, even worse, I think.

Do not spend beyond your means. Unless you really need to.

If I could just listen to my i-pod the whole day and be spared from all of these.

Biking 101 @ 24

They say you are never too old to learn new things, like learning how to ride a bike at the age of 24. :)

It's tiring but relaxing when you get the hang of it. It feels good to have control of your own weight, where and how fast you're going, and the breeze on your face. It's a liberating feeling. I obviously enjoyed it. :D

Next lesson: treading and swimming.

start of a happy month :)

(while playing, singing and dancing to Kesha's 'Your Love is My Drug'. I love dancing to this song!)

This is going to be a great and happy month. I'm declaring it to the universe. :)

There is no room for old frustrations and worries. Only for a great appreciation of a very fruitful year and the number of blessings He has given me and my family.

Life is not a race and every single day should be cherished.

I will try to improve every relationship I have it with each and every person I know. I will try to quit smoking, or at least lessen it. I will no longer be a part of the 'rumor-filled' atmosphere in the office. I will travel more and take more photos, for these are the two things that I am sure I am passionate about. I may not be decided yet on the career that I want to pursue, so I might as well use the resources it provides to pursue the two things I really love doing. The two things that gives me pure enjoyment and contentment.

Again, there is no room for old frustrations and worries in my heart. For Life is short. :)

where will life take you?

Saw this in a movie house, one of the ads before movie trailers. It really caught my attention because of the beautiful message and the great cinematography. Each scene is a beautiful photo still. Really inspiring. :)

"What is a journey?

A journey is not a trip.

It's not a vacation.

It's a process. A discovery.

It's a process of self-discovery.

A journey brings us face to face with ourselves.

A journey shows us not only the world, but how we fit in it.

Does the person create the journey, or the journey creates the person?

The journey is life itself.

Where will life take you?"

- Louis Vuitton Ad

November :)

When a friend texted me last July asking if i wanted to go on a 'kada' Macau trip, I had second thoughts. One, Macau is not on my countries-to-visit list. Second, I'd rather spend my hard-earned money on a different country. Third, I'm not a casino type of person. Fourth, there's no... and the list goes on. No, but seriously, I just think that the money will not be worth it. What made me say yes was the fact that it was going to be us 4 girls, high school best friends. We rarely see each other and one of us who was just there a month ago was willing to go back just to spend time with us. That was more than enough for me to forget all my hesitations. Plus it was going to be my 25th birthday. What better way to celebrate my quarter life in a different country and travelling.

And now, a month and a half before the trip, I am so excited. I'm doing research on the costs, places to go to, great foods and delicacies, transportation, and the must-do adventures in Macau. Good thing my friend already found us a very cheap place to stay in.

I haven't decided yet on whether I'm going to try the bungy jump in Macau Tower, it is VERY EXPENSIVE. But bloggers say it is a must-do in Macau. It is after all the highest bungy jump in the world! Or ride the gondola (teaser for the real deal in Venice, Italy before turning 30) and watch the Cirque du Soleil in the Venetian. But I think I'll be doing all three. Hopefully. Weee!!!

Then the weekend after is another long weekend. Family time in Baguio. Enough said :)

Oh, November, I can't wait to see you!

coke bottles and magic toilets

Played with a friend's phone yesterday where you ask a coke bottle and a magic toilet a question, like a magic8 ball. Both answered what I already know.

We all must admit, I do, that we ask the coke bottle, magic toilet, even playing cards questions that we already know the answers to because:

(1) we want the universe to give us an affirmation that we will get what we want despite the odds
(2) we're looking for hope although we know that the answer is no

When we don't get the answer that we want, we dismiss it and think it's nothing. We even pretend that it's funny. But we know that the magic toilet is right.

When will I ever get it? Maybe I'm asking the wrong question. Maybe I should just change my question. I have a strong feeling the magic toilet will finally answer me with a yes.

Who the hell asks an iphone application a life question? I do. hahaha

Un passo più vicino

Un passo più vicino. One step closer.

Things have been different in my life lately. It must be the high from the flag-football league. Or the fact that a certain not-so-likeable officemate is on leave. Or just the fact that things have indeed changed.

Since that interview with another company, I now have a renewed appreciation of the job that I have. It’s quite hard to admit it, but I’m actually enjoying my work now. I know. It is so not me to admit it. :p But I am. I now look forward to going to work each and every day. It’s been a week. It might change tomorrow or a month from now. But for now, I am happy here. :)

That coffee talk last Tuesday with two close friends who I haven’t seen or talk to for quite some time was a really memorable one. They’re both attached right now, happy with the life that they have. They both shared that it was their openness to life that led them to where they are now. I thought I was going to be really envious and bitter given that I haven’t found my someone, but I was actually excited. Excited to meet my someone (hopefully).

We talked about growing up and how our relationships with our parents have changed over time. I was so happy to realize that my relationship with my parents has improved over the last few years.

We also talked about faith and that we all agreed that it is a personal relationship with Him. While sharing my own experience on finding Him, I realized that I am already doing what I’ve always wanted to do – to start trusting Him and allowing Him to take control of my life.

They also commended the fact that I have been to a lot of places in the last three years. It has always been my dream to travel and I think I am in the right path to achieve this dream.

I am one step closer.

I believe I am one step closer to becoming the person with a better take on life, achieving dreams, and love. I believe that the past few years have taught me so many things. I may not be where I envisioned myself to be a few years back. But I have achieved more in life. I am a better daughter, sister, friend, and a better human being.

----------------------------------------------------

With this, I think a change in my blog address is needed. I am declaring to the universe that I am one step closer. :)

Un passo più vicino.

Puerto Princesa, Palawan

Based on observation and experience from our 4 days stay in Puerto Princesa, I honestly think that Palawan can survive and function on its own. It is so rich with natural resources to provide for the people’s basic necessities and to provide employment from its tourism industry. It also has several laws and ordinances to protect the environment to ensure continuity of the province’s sustainable development. Really admirable.

It’s also typhoon- and earthquake-free. Just a little trivia. ;)

Our vacation was filled with wonderful and unique experiences. Met prisoners who walk freely around their correction facility, held a baby crocodile, cave spelunking, rainy underground river experience, snorkeling, island hopping, and feasted on great food.

held a baby crocodile :)

Ugong Rock Cave Spelunking

Underground River

Island Hopping!

calm and clear :)

four boxes

It must be the wine or the 'question' yesterday, or the fact that my 25th is just around the corner. But I find myself reaching for those four boxes up in my closet.

These four boxes are loaded with letters, print-outs of poems and blog entries, chocolate wrappers, journals, and all other sentimental stuff.

The oldest one is the shoe box covered by a pink floral cottony material. Forgive me, I think I was only 9 or 10 when I made it. It houses loads of snail mail letters (back when the internet was not yet popular here in the Philippines) – in yellow paper, bond paper, and scented stationeries. The first ever letter was from my cousin who was living in Zambales, I believe it was one of her school projects. I replied and it was the start of almost 6 years of writing to each other. This box also houses letters and cards from childhood friends in Zambales and that one cute little address book from a former admirer (he is now one of my close guy friends). It also used to house several love letters from a childhood sweetheart. Let’s just say I was too immature back then so I threw them all away. I should have kept them. haha It is also home to 3 diaries – stories of grade school and high school crushes and everyday encounters with them, school grades, and a few family issues. I was a very passionate and really emotional young girl. I find myself laughing while reading details of those daily encounters.haha

The second one is the box of my first cellular phone with my signature and a heart beside it. I was 13. This box houses birthday cards and letters from high school and college friends, invitations to debuts, and a few snail mail letters from a superfriend who migrated to Australia. It is also home to my UP Diliman Freshman Survival Kit, dorm and org primers. Even thank you notes from college classmates, now I remember the name of my Art Studies 2 crush. :D

The third one is a Nokia 2100 cellular phone box. It houses photos with high school and college friends. Most of which are photos from ROTC days and Kalayaan Dormitory days.

The fourth one is my Nikon D40 box. Only a few notes and letters are here and 2 chocolate wrappers. Most are blog entry print-outs from my own blog, from friends', and from random great writers' and bloggers'. Most are write-ups and articles on life and love. My 2 favorite items in this box are (1) a sketch done by a friend of our table in a Starbucks coffee shop, and (2) a bond-paper-folded-into-two birthday card with a stick drawing of a girl and a boy holding balloons as its cover. It also houses 2 journals, journals that are addressed to Him. It is also home to three non-acceptance letters and email print-outs from graduate schools; flight print-outs, boarding passes, and receipts from domestic and international travels. This box is quite heavy, literally and figuratively. This box has been a house to my happy, angry, and sad emotions and memories. But it’s my favorite out of the four boxes, it’s the most personal.

It’s not a box, but it was also up there – the wonderful scrapbook made by my MIB friends. Their effort to print the photos, design it, and get messages from everyone was just too heart-warming. :)

These boxes remind me of how great and exciting life has been for the past 15 years. They bring me back to those happy, sad, and sometimes even pathetic days. But looking at them four together tells me that it has been great. Really really great. :)

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Here's to my fifth (online) box. welcome to my new blog. :)

thanks, maya. ;)

my old blog: http://doublevanillalatte.blogdrive.com/

where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

I'm trying to remember if there was a time in the last 5 years when I had an answer to that question. I think I had one back in senior year, which was 4 years ago, I thought I was going to be studying abroad right now. Or 3 years ago when I thought I was going to be a junior in law school by now.

Well, things happened. I've changed. I don't want to say it didn't work out. I'd like to think that life had a better idea.

Plans pop into my head from time to time. But there was never really a thing that excites me more than the thought of still traveling 5 years into the future. Or having coffee with my wonderful superfriends. Or just having dinner with my family on a cold Baguio night.

I really don't know what and where I'm going to be 5 years from now. I could still be in finance or a different industry, I can be studying, or even have a family by then. Who the hell knows. Life is just exciting that way.

So if I am to answer that question, well not in a job interview setting, I'd probably say that I don't know. That's too far into the future. Life has taught me two important lessons in the last 5 years: (1) stress and worry are unnecessary emotions in life (2) to strive to be happy in the now and let Him do his Plan for me. :)