it's supposed to be a good news

It’s sad when you realize that the closeness you used to have with one person is not there anymore. You start to wonder when did it start to change or fade? And why, what brought about such change?

Our friendship was automatic. We had so many things in common and we always have fun together. But our friendship strengthened since we found comfort in the fact that we were both at a disadvantageous situation in the office.

But things eventually improved for her. She was given more opportunities and new things. I, on the other hand, got stuck with the same old responsibilities. And I was happy for her because she deserves it. It really didn’t bother me that much that nothing good was happening to me since I knew I was going to leave soon enough.

But at some point things started to change between us.

For me it started when she had a different opinion on my plans and my own sentiments on what was happening around us. At first, I took offense. But eventually I learned to respect her opinions, and I just decided that I didn’t have to tell her about those things anymore. I just thought that she will never understand my sentiments since she doesn’t really know what it feels like to be in my place.

What happened on her side, I will never really know.

But for some reason, the distance between us just lengthened.

I think was somehow aware that it was happening. But what happened yesterday concerned me and saddened me.

I know her response to the whole promotion news was not necessarily about me. It really was unfair to her. But I didn’t ask for this. I wasn’t even expecting it.

I just couldn’t help but feel sad especially when I see her being so happy towards the other people’s promotions. I see it and hear it happening in front of me. She couldn’t even look me in the eye. She tries to avoid being stuck in one room with me.

I want to be happy about it. Because I do feel that I deserve it too. My plans of leaving doesn’t strip me of the right to be compensated more for my hard work and for assuming all the dirty work.

But with her, especially her, and the other people’s reactions towards it, I sometimes wonder if I really deserve it.

And with all that’s happening right now, I wonder if we will ever recover the friendship that we used to have.